Am heading off to a family reunion in a month or so which ties in rather nicely with a chapter that I read in Randy Pausch's 'The Last Lecture', the title of the chapter was 'I Had the Right Parents'. I often see articles, books and hear comments about all the way parents fail their children, about all the things they did wrong that people carry into adulthood and throughout their lives, but I seldom see / hear things about all the things they did right, all the good things that parents did that made us into the people we are today. Randy's chapter focused on how great his parents were and what a difference they made to the person he turned out to be. I think as children we're all too ready to focus on all the negatives, the things that didn't go exactly right or the things our parents didn't phrase correctly and we forget about all the things they did right.
Like Randy, I had the right parents, I had great parents! Did they do everything right? Nope. Did we clash? All . the . time. Do I think less of them because we disagreed and each said stupid things while growing up? Not at all. I could focus on the negative things, but actually what I received from my parents was so wonderful, why would I?
Without them, I would not be the person I am today. I would not have the drive, determination, positive attitude and ability to solve problems. I would not have the focus on family and caring for relationships. There would not be that determination to figure out something for myself, the self-learning ability, the tenacity or that strong independence. All those things and much more came from my parents. Those things were the best gift any parents could give a child.
I also had / have a great family. Siblings who are great people, smart and funny and fun to be with, people who I look forward to spending time with and who challenge me to think in all kinds of new ways. Do we squabble and fight? Sure, but not so much as we did when we were kids! Here again, I could just focus in on where they're not so great, but why do that when there are so many areas where they are! They also had a huge impact on the person I am today.
Relatives are fun, smart, quirky, interesting, nosy, boisterous and many other adjectives I can't think of right now. Many are out and out characters who provide anecdotes and stories that live on from year to year and generation to generation. They help to form who we are, even the ones who annoy the heck out of us and I think sometimes, as we go about our very separate lives, we forget the value of family - family becomes just one more annoyance, one more irritant, one more obligation.
Like everything else in this world, it's all in how you look at it - families are a trial or they're a treasure - I'm choosing the latter. So unlike many who dread spending time with the relatives during the holiday season, or at my upcoming family reunion, I'm looking forward to seeing my family, they've helped to make me who I am.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
'Impossible' - An Excuse for Doing Nothing?
"It's impossible." "Can't be done." "You'll never do that!" Heard any of those? What do you do when someone makes a comment like that? Slink back to your corner embarrassed for even having thought of such a thing or do you dig in and get even more determined?
Impossible is a wonderful excuse for not doing all the things you've dreamed of, isn't it? 'It would be impossible for me to retire early, travel the world, quit my job, do all the things I've dreamt of.' It's also a great way to put out someone else's dreams - "You can't cross an ocean, fly, go to the moon" - imagine if Columbus, the Wright brothers or all the folks at NASA had accepted the 'Impossible Excuse'.
If you choose to do some adventurous things with your 750,000 Hours (read anything beyond go to work, go home to watch the telly, and go to the mall), you will encounter folks who will discuss how impossible it is for you to A) quit your job, B) sail around the world, C) go live in a different country, D) any combination of A, B, and C or any other life dream you may have. It's very easy to let those comments affect you until you realise that although someone may be saying what you want to do is impossible, actually it's not impossible, it's just impossible for that person.
Most of the things we want to do aren't even close to impossible, the majority aren't even really that difficult with some self discipline. Many folks do what seems impossible to others without batting an eye (check out the Marathon Monks of Japan), compared to some folks the things we want to do aren't impossible, they're pretty simple really...
Impossible is a wonderful excuse for not doing all the things you've dreamed of, isn't it? 'It would be impossible for me to retire early, travel the world, quit my job, do all the things I've dreamt of.' It's also a great way to put out someone else's dreams - "You can't cross an ocean, fly, go to the moon" - imagine if Columbus, the Wright brothers or all the folks at NASA had accepted the 'Impossible Excuse'.
If you choose to do some adventurous things with your 750,000 Hours (read anything beyond go to work, go home to watch the telly, and go to the mall), you will encounter folks who will discuss how impossible it is for you to A) quit your job, B) sail around the world, C) go live in a different country, D) any combination of A, B, and C or any other life dream you may have. It's very easy to let those comments affect you until you realise that although someone may be saying what you want to do is impossible, actually it's not impossible, it's just impossible for that person.
Most of the things we want to do aren't even close to impossible, the majority aren't even really that difficult with some self discipline. Many folks do what seems impossible to others without batting an eye (check out the Marathon Monks of Japan), compared to some folks the things we want to do aren't impossible, they're pretty simple really...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Having a Life - Or Just Watching One?
(Prompted by a comment from Steve's sister Julie who is staying at our house this summer, "I've been here a week and I haven't missed the telly!")
It's always amazing when you start to total up the amount of time people spend watching TV. These are precious life hours being frittered away on game shows, 'reality' shows, soaps, watching advertisements and channel surfing trying to find 'something good to watch'.
When I moved from the US to the UK I stopped watching TV, that was seven years ago. As we grow up we get used to watching certain shows at certain times, none of 'my' shows were on over here and I didn't have the history of the shows that were on UK TV, they were too unfamiliar - so I fell out of the habit. Like Julie, I didn't miss it and other things quickly filled the space that TV used to take up - long leisurely dinners, conversations lasting for hours, evenings on the patio, etc. And instead of missing TV, I've become rather anti-TV.
It's amazing how prevalent TV is and what a large impact it has on us. It is in our homes, takes up a huge part of our lives and is largely unquestioned and unchallenged. Very few people question the idea of having a TV in their home, one just is. Livingrooms and lounges are designed around them. The English TV licensing agency gets increasingly snippy and then downright nasty if you don't pay for a TV license because everybody has one and if you don't pay for a license, you must be dodging the fee rather than ligitimately having no television.
And what a huge influence on our lives, consuming our non-work time, influencing our actions and buying decisions (they don't call it 'programming' for nothing!) and it reduces or destroys two pretty important human abilities - the ability to amuse ourselves and the ability to converse.
Don't believe me? Try these two tests.
Test 1: Have you lost your conversational ability? (How long can you go before turning on the TV to fill the conversational void?)
With the person you love best, turn off the TV and see how long it takes before the conversation dies, before there is a dragging silence, when the flow of words, thoughts and ideas you have to share with one another comes to a halt. How much time does it take? This IS the person you are most interested in in the whole world, right? And how long did your conversation last?
Test 2: Do you still have the ability to amuse yourself?
Similar to Test 1, turn off the telly and see how long it takes before you're bored and your fingers start twitching towards the remote. How quickly do you run out of ideas and things to do? You're a smart adult human being, you should be able to amuse yourself indefinitely, right?
So, how long did you go? Minutes, hours, days, weeks, years? Do you still have the ability to converse, do you still have the ability to amuse yourself - or are they both gone? Steve and I just got back from a trip on the motorbike where we talked for 17 days straight, no commercial interruptions - does that sound like fun or does that sentence bring on the nervous tingles of TV withdrawal?
Most people can go for a few hours or a few days, but then having lost those very important abilities turn to the TV to provide what they no longer have themselves.
So they watch and they watch, and as they watch the hours of their lives disappear one by one. Now, I don't know about you, but the only thing I want using up the hours of my life is me, not the telly - and I want to use those hours having my own experiences and adventures, making memories that I can look back on, stories to share with my children and when I'm old, my grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Because when you're 90 with your great grandchild on your knee telling the story of your life, what are you going to say, "I watched a lot of really good TV"?
It's always amazing when you start to total up the amount of time people spend watching TV. These are precious life hours being frittered away on game shows, 'reality' shows, soaps, watching advertisements and channel surfing trying to find 'something good to watch'.
When I moved from the US to the UK I stopped watching TV, that was seven years ago. As we grow up we get used to watching certain shows at certain times, none of 'my' shows were on over here and I didn't have the history of the shows that were on UK TV, they were too unfamiliar - so I fell out of the habit. Like Julie, I didn't miss it and other things quickly filled the space that TV used to take up - long leisurely dinners, conversations lasting for hours, evenings on the patio, etc. And instead of missing TV, I've become rather anti-TV.
It's amazing how prevalent TV is and what a large impact it has on us. It is in our homes, takes up a huge part of our lives and is largely unquestioned and unchallenged. Very few people question the idea of having a TV in their home, one just is. Livingrooms and lounges are designed around them. The English TV licensing agency gets increasingly snippy and then downright nasty if you don't pay for a TV license because everybody has one and if you don't pay for a license, you must be dodging the fee rather than ligitimately having no television.
And what a huge influence on our lives, consuming our non-work time, influencing our actions and buying decisions (they don't call it 'programming' for nothing!) and it reduces or destroys two pretty important human abilities - the ability to amuse ourselves and the ability to converse.
Don't believe me? Try these two tests.
Test 1: Have you lost your conversational ability? (How long can you go before turning on the TV to fill the conversational void?)
With the person you love best, turn off the TV and see how long it takes before the conversation dies, before there is a dragging silence, when the flow of words, thoughts and ideas you have to share with one another comes to a halt. How much time does it take? This IS the person you are most interested in in the whole world, right? And how long did your conversation last?
Test 2: Do you still have the ability to amuse yourself?
Similar to Test 1, turn off the telly and see how long it takes before you're bored and your fingers start twitching towards the remote. How quickly do you run out of ideas and things to do? You're a smart adult human being, you should be able to amuse yourself indefinitely, right?
So, how long did you go? Minutes, hours, days, weeks, years? Do you still have the ability to converse, do you still have the ability to amuse yourself - or are they both gone? Steve and I just got back from a trip on the motorbike where we talked for 17 days straight, no commercial interruptions - does that sound like fun or does that sentence bring on the nervous tingles of TV withdrawal?
Most people can go for a few hours or a few days, but then having lost those very important abilities turn to the TV to provide what they no longer have themselves.
So they watch and they watch, and as they watch the hours of their lives disappear one by one. Now, I don't know about you, but the only thing I want using up the hours of my life is me, not the telly - and I want to use those hours having my own experiences and adventures, making memories that I can look back on, stories to share with my children and when I'm old, my grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Because when you're 90 with your great grandchild on your knee telling the story of your life, what are you going to say, "I watched a lot of really good TV"?
A Comparison...
We shop at a market, a farmers' market in Blackburn, Lancashire, and we typically only shop at a supermarket when we cannot find what we want at the farmers' market or it's closed. Why? The food at the farmers' market is better, the shopping is faster, and it's cheaper.
For me, supermarkets are too big, with too many choices and too crowded - and (especially important for a foodie) the food isn't as good. For the past several years, we've comparison shopped and taste tested, and the food simply isn't as tasty. And I think it's because supermarket food is designed to last on the shelf.
Here's an example:
Two pieces of brie cheese, one bought from a supermarket and one bought from the farmers market. The supermarket cheese is a sharp edged well shaped wedge of brie, it keeps its look and shape both in the fridge and out - you can whack it on the table and it retains its shape - it tastes like eating cheese-flavoured paste. The farmers' market cheese doesn't hold its shape at all once removed from the fridge and 'melts' into a brie puddle - and it tastes divine.
My trips to the market are enjoyable. I'm not battling my way through crowded isles searching to find the things I need (supermarkets are organised so that we spend longer in them otherwise the bread, eggs and milk would be located together at the front of the store). At the market, I see stall keepers who know me and I know them, they know what they're selling and how to prepare it (without having to call for a manager). The food is fresh, not laden with preservatives and in the main cheaper. Overall it is cheaper simply because there is less choice, I can't buy the extras that I used to toss into the basket - fancy sauces, the interesting gadgets, the 37 different versions of something - because they simply aren't there, which makes for a significantly cheaper long-term food bill.
For me, supermarkets are too big, with too many choices and too crowded - and (especially important for a foodie) the food isn't as good. For the past several years, we've comparison shopped and taste tested, and the food simply isn't as tasty. And I think it's because supermarket food is designed to last on the shelf.
Here's an example:
Two pieces of brie cheese, one bought from a supermarket and one bought from the farmers market. The supermarket cheese is a sharp edged well shaped wedge of brie, it keeps its look and shape both in the fridge and out - you can whack it on the table and it retains its shape - it tastes like eating cheese-flavoured paste. The farmers' market cheese doesn't hold its shape at all once removed from the fridge and 'melts' into a brie puddle - and it tastes divine.
My trips to the market are enjoyable. I'm not battling my way through crowded isles searching to find the things I need (supermarkets are organised so that we spend longer in them otherwise the bread, eggs and milk would be located together at the front of the store). At the market, I see stall keepers who know me and I know them, they know what they're selling and how to prepare it (without having to call for a manager). The food is fresh, not laden with preservatives and in the main cheaper. Overall it is cheaper simply because there is less choice, I can't buy the extras that I used to toss into the basket - fancy sauces, the interesting gadgets, the 37 different versions of something - because they simply aren't there, which makes for a significantly cheaper long-term food bill.
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