Fear or Freedom?

While rocketing along on the back of the motorbike at 90 miles an hour on the back roads of middle Wales, I was thinking (that's really all I do on the back of the bike - think and take photographs, but you can only take so many of those so I mostly think) about people's tendency to become more fearful as they age. Health, travel, being in new places, trying new things seem to be things that people start saying no to as they age. Anything that differs from the set, comfortable, normal routine rates a no.

And how 'life narrowing' those no's become! "No, I can't go there, I can't eat that, and I certainly couldn't do THAT!" Each no making one's life a bit narrower, a bit smaller.

I almost said no six years ago when Steve asked me to go for a ride on the back of his motorbike. 'Come on, I'm 40 years old, that's a bit old to become a biker chick.' But he really wanted me to try it and was trying so hard to make it comfortable for me that I agreed to give it a try (no matter how silly I looked).

I was so scared I was shaking as I climbed onto the bike and I shook through that whole first ride - but it wasn't too bad and it was a great way to see the country. It was worth getting back on again and I began to enjoy it.

30,000 miles on the back of the bike later, saying yes rather than no to that questipn was one of the best decisions I ever made. I've traveled all over Europe on the back of that bike and seen so many amazing things. It's still a bit scary, but it's also EXCITING! It's broadened and expanded my life in more ways than I can count.

Do we say no to new things more as we get older?

This has been one of those key learnings for me - if I'd said no, I'm too old for that, my life would now be a little bit smaller, a little bit less exciting, a little bit old...

Don't Get Scared Now!

It's very exciting working towards your dreams and when you first embark on them - woohoo! I've done it, we've done it! But what about when the day-to-day reality of living out one's dreams sets in?

Often people put off their dreams for just that reason, because their afraid they won't like the day-to-day reality - what if I'm bored, what if I don't like it, what if I don't like being with my partner that much?! Some folks never go because they're afraid of the answers to those questions. Some folks go anyhow and answer the question on the way. We did.

When Steve and I first left on this cruise we thought we were fairly well prepared for the new lifestyle. We weren't exactly right about that. We had read everything we could our hands on and had been sailing quite a bit. What we didn't understand was exactly what it would be like to stop working and live full-time on a sailboat. The day-to-day reality was not all sunny days and calm seas!

It was much harder and more challenging than our research and our experience led us to believe. About midway through our cruise, we were scared, tired and overwhelmed - who thought this was a great idea anyway?! We felt out of control and it was so different than the way we were used to living.

At work we would have called it the 'change curve', a bathtub shaped curve which describes people's emotional states when going through change. They take a deep dive down the back of the tub, coast along the bottom for a bit and then slowly come back up the front. A bit part of the change curve is that people are often frightened by change, the change is very big and very different and they just get scared. They want to stay where they are or go back to their old, familiar, comfortable lifestyle. Change is too hard, it's uncomfortable! If we were at work, we would have encouraged (all right, pushed) people through the change curve because when they came out the other end things would be better.

Sometimes there is a mismatch between what you built up in your mind and what you really experience. Every day is not 15 knots of wind and broad reachs. We almost pulled a classic change curve stunt and retreated to our old comfortable existence, but we decided to take a short breather, go home for a visit and then come back and give this lifestyle another shot - it was the best decision we ever made! We came back refreshed, reinvigorated and ready to go. We knew more about what we were doing and every single situation wasn't a complete unknown. We were much clearer about our tolerance thresholds and how not to exceed them.

And when we gave it another shot, what was scary before (because we didn't know what was going to happen) changed to exciting and fun!

If we'd given up, we not only would have gone home with our tails between our legs, we would have missed out on one of our best and happiest life experiences - it ended up being even better than we'd imagined!

So if you're living your dream and it doesn't match with what you'd pictured, give it a good try and then come back and try it again. Sometimes it takes time to develop the skills and the experience you need for your new lifestyle. Then, when it clicks, your new lifestyle is better than you ever dreamed!